on home.

sometimes, i feel it in my bones.
when the time comes.
& its fight or flight.
it's flight before i even pause to think.
sometimes, it weighs on you.
a sense to run. to flee. to explore.
to forget about deadlines.
because life inside the lines is just that.
dead. and gone.
you can't explore inside a box.
sometimes, it presses on your mind.
the need to keep moving.
keep evolving. keep searching.
but what are we searching for?
sometimes, you feel it in your feet.
the moment your boots hit the pavement
the moment your eyes catch the steeple.
shining so bright in the moonlight.
sometimes, it hits you.
all you've been searching for.
longing to flee to.
aching to find.
is a home.
and sometimes, all it takes.
is a familiar street.
and the lights against a black sky.
to remind you that you are already found.
already home.
in the very truest of the word.

& sometimes,
you feel it in your bones.



january 4, 2014.
pen to paper.

why i write

i write because i need to.

& because getting words out into the open, is like setting them free.

and really, there's no better feeling.

i've been writing since i can remember,

writing poems and stories when i was younger,

and now, just writing to find my rhythym.

i miss the way thoughts sound when they're no longer in my head.

i miss the way that my fingers hit the keys just about as fast as i can think.

something about a pen and a paper, will always be my favourite.

i can sit for hours in a coffee shop and write letters.

to myself, to my future husband, to my friends, and penpals.

as soon as the pen hits the paper, it's smooth sailing.

sometimes i am tempted, to be embarrassed with my ease of words.

to hide them, and keep them to myself. 

but then. lately. i am realizing, maybe i've been given the words to share.

and i need not be afraid of rejection.

i've found it extremely helpful.
to know more about myself, and who i want to become.
and so, more than anything.
these letters are for me.
to help me recognize you when i find you.
and to be able to let go when i know i haven't.

and also. because i need an outlet.
and writing to a future self,
and sometimes, a future other half.
means you can know who i was now,
and how it shaped me into who i am going to be.
and it won't be so easy for me to forget how i got to where i'm headed.

yours,

-a